Your Body Was Never the Enemy

A conversation in therapy stayed with me today.

A client shared that they had been told by others that they "don't feel safe in their body."

As I sat with those words, I noticed something stir inside of me.

Not because I don't understand what they mean.

But because those words have never quite fit with how I understand the nervous system.

For me, saying, "My body isn't safe," unintentionally places the problem on the very thing that has been trying to protect us our entire lives.

I don't believe our bodies are the enemy.

I don't believe our nervous systems are broken.

I don't believe we need to fix ourselves.

I believe our nervous systems are incredibly intelligent.

From the moment we are born, our bodies are constantly learning.

They notice.
They adapt.
They protect.

If we experience fear, neglect, abuse, chronic stress, emotional pain, or environments where we never truly felt safe, our nervous system learns from those experiences. It develops protective strategies that help us survive.

Fight.
Flight.
Freeze.
Fawn.

Not because something is wrong with us.

Because something happened around us.

The Invisible Dinosaur

I often think of it as the Invisible Dinosaur.

Imagine your nervous system learned long ago that dinosaurs lived in the forest.

It makes perfect sense that every rustle in the trees would cause your body to prepare for danger.

Your heart races.

Your breathing changes.

Your muscles tighten.

Your thoughts speed up.

Your body isn't betraying you.

It's trying to save you.

The challenge is that sometimes the dinosaur is no longer there.

But your nervous system hasn't had enough experiences to realize the forest has changed.

That doesn't mean your body is unsafe.

It means your nervous system is responding to what it learned from yesterday while living in today.

Your Body Is Still Safe

When I work with women in therapy, I don't want them to become afraid of their bodies.

I want them to become curious.

Instead of asking,

"What's wrong with me?"

I invite a different question.

"What happened that taught my nervous system to respond this way?"

That question moves us from shame into understanding.

Our symptoms are not proof that we are broken.

They are information.

Our anxiety.

Our numbness.

Our people-pleasing.

Our hypervigilance.

Our exhaustion.

These are not character flaws.

They are protective responses that once served a purpose.

Healing Is an Update, Not a Fix

To me, healing is not convincing the body that it is safe.

The body has always been trying to keep us safe.

Healing is giving the nervous system new experiences that gently teach,

"This moment is different."

That can happen through somatic therapy.

Through mindful movement.

Through yoga.

Through breathwork.

Through nature.

Through relationships that feel safe.

Through trauma-informed therapy.

Through learning about your nervous system.

None of these approaches are competing with one another.

They are different pathways leading toward the same destination.

Helping your nervous system update its map of the world.

Coming Back to Ourselves

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned not to cry.

Not to feel.

Not to breathe deeply.

Not to take up space.

Not to listen to our bodies.

We learned to override the very signals that were trying to communicate with us.

Healing is not about becoming someone new.

It is about remembering what has always been there beneath the layers of survival.

It is about reconnecting with ourselves.

With our bodies.

With the earth beneath our feet.

With the breath that has carried us since the day we were born.

A Gentle Practice

If you notice your Invisible Dinosaur showing up today, pause for a moment.

Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly.

Breathe gently through your nose.

Let your exhale be a little longer than your inhale.

If it feels comfortable, add a soft hum to your exhale and notice the vibration in your chest.

Then ask yourself:

Is there a dinosaur here right now?

Or is my nervous system remembering a time when there was?

You don't have to force yourself to feel safe.

You don't have to argue with your body.

Simply notice.

Listen.

Become curious.

Your body has been trying to protect you all along.

Maybe the work isn't learning to trust your body.

Maybe it's realizing that your body has never stopped trying to protect you.

And perhaps healing is simply helping your nervous system discover that it no longer has to carry yesterday into today.

With care,

Bobbi Jo Hamilton, MSW, LICSW, RYT