Presence Is Not Something You Force
Why Safety Comes Before Calm and How the Nervous System Finds Its Way There
Many people believe presence is something you achieve through discipline, mindfulness, or willpower. If you are distracted, overwhelmed, or disconnected, it can feel like a personal failure to “try harder.”
But presence does not work that way.
Presence is not an achievement.
It is not a mindset.
And it is not created by effort alone.
Presence is a physiological state that becomes available when your body is no longer bracing for what comes next. When your nervous system receives enough cues of safety, presence begins to arise on its own.
Why Willpower Does Not Create Presence
When the nervous system is under stress, the brain prioritizes protection over awareness. This happens automatically. If your system senses threat, uncertainty, or overload, it shifts into survival responses like fight, flight, freeze, or dissociation.
In those states, the brain regions responsible for reflection, curiosity, and presence are less accessible. This is not a failure of attention. It is biology.
Research in neuroscience and trauma physiology shows that regulation must come before reflection. The body needs to feel safe enough before presence can emerge (Porges, 2011; van der Kolk, 2014).
Trying to force presence while the nervous system is activated often creates more tension, not more calm.
Presence as a State of Safety
When the body is not bracing, several things happen biologically:
Muscle tension decreases
Breath naturally slows or deepens
The visual field widens
Attention becomes more flexible
The nervous system shifts toward regulation
This state is not created by thinking differently. It is created by giving the nervous system accurate information that it is safe enough right now.
Why Orienting Works
One of the fastest ways to offer safety to the nervous system is through orienting.
Orienting means gently taking in information about your environment. It often involves the eyes, but it can also include sound, movement, and spatial awareness.
From a neurological perspective, orienting helps the brain answer an essential question:
“What is happening around me right now?”
When the brain receives clear, non threatening information about the present moment, it reduces uncertainty. This helps downshift defensive responses and supports regulation (Levine, 2010; Ogden et al., 2006).
The visual system plays a particularly powerful role here. Vision is directly connected to brain areas involved in threat detection and safety assessment. When your visual field softens and widens, your nervous system often follows.
A Simple Orienting Practice You Can Use Anywhere
This practice does not force calm. It simply increases cues of safety.
You can do this seated, standing, in your car, or while walking.
Let your eyes gently move around your space.
There is no need to focus hard. Allow your gaze to be soft.Slowly name five neutral or pleasant things you can see.
For example: a window, a tree, a color, a chair, light on the floor.Notice if anything shifts in your breath or body.
Do not try to change it. Just notice.If it feels supportive, take one unforced breath.
If nothing changes, that is still information. The goal is not relaxation. The goal is orientation.
Working With the Nervous System Instead of Overriding It
Presence becomes more accessible when we stop asking the nervous system to override itself and instead learn how to work with its natural rhythms.
This is where somatic practices like resource mapping, pendulation, and gentle interoception become essential.
Pendulation: How the Nervous System Learns Safety
Pendulation is a core principle in somatic work. It describes the natural movement of attention between activation and ease.
Rather than staying stuck in distress or trying to escape it, the nervous system learns safety by moving back and forth between:
what feels uncomfortable and what feels supportive
sensation and rest
effort and ease
This process expands the window of tolerance and builds trust in the body’s ability to return to regulation.
The framework used here is adapted from somatic trauma training through the Bridging Soma and Soul lineage and the Somatic Wilderness Therapy Institute, translated into non clinical language for public education.
A Gentle Pendulation Practice
This practice supports regulation without pushing into overwhelm.
Notice one place in your body that feels neutral or slightly comfortable.
It might be your feet, hands, or the support beneath you.Gently notice one area of tension or activation.
No analysis. Just noticing.Bring attention back to the place of ease.
Allow attention to move naturally between the two, at your own pace.
This back and forth movement teaches the nervous system that it can feel activation and return to safety.
Boundary Reset and Energy Reclaiming Practice
Many people notice that stress and overwhelm increase after interactions where emotional boundaries blur. The following practice supports internal boundary restoration and nervous system containment.
This practice uses visualization and sensation to help the nervous system reorganize and release what does not belong to you. While it may sound symbolic, visualization engages real neural pathways involved in regulation and integration.
How to Practice
Acknowledge that you may be carrying something that is not yours.
Imagine a soft boundary around your body, creating a sense of personal space.
Visualize grounding downward, allowing excess activation to move out through gravity.
Imagine placing what does not belong to you into a separate container outside of your space.
Reclaim any of your own energy that feels scattered or pulled away.
Allow a sense of completion and notice your body.
This practice supports completion of stress responses and restoration of internal coherence.
Gentle Interoception: Listening Without Forcing
Interoception is the ability to sense what is happening inside the body. Gentle interoception does not analyze or fix. It listens.
This might look like noticing temperature, pressure, breath, or subtle shifts in sensation. Even brief moments of interoceptive awareness can support regulation when done without pressure.
Especially Supportive If You Feel Overwhelmed or Disconnected
These practices are especially supportive if:
your mind moves faster than your body
you feel overstimulated or rushed
you struggle to stay present during transitions
you feel disconnected or numb
Presence does not require silence, stillness, or perfect conditions. It requires enough safety.
You Can Do This Anywhere
These practices are designed to be portable.
In your bedroom.
In the car.
On a walk.
Between gatherings.
During a pause in your day.
Presence does not come from effort.
It comes from safety.
And safety is something your nervous system can learn, slowly and gently, over time.
Sources and References
Neuroscience and Somatic Foundations
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory. W. W. Norton & Company.
https://wwnorton.com/books/The-Polyvagal-Theory/Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.
https://www.northatlanticbooks.com/shop/in-an-unspoken-voice/Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.
https://wwnorton.com/books/Trauma-and-the-Body/van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Viking.
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/216395/the-body-keeps-the-score-by-bessel-van-der-kolk-md/
Somatic Training Lineage
Adapted from Bridging Soma and Soul (2017) and Somatic Wilderness Therapy Institute training materials by Katie Asmus and Sweigh Spilkin.
Used here for public education and nervous system awareness, not as therapy.
12/01/2025 Slow Growth in the Northwoods: Aligning with Winter Rhythms and the Solstice
Slow Growth in the Northwoods: Aligning with Winter Rhythms and the Solstice
When the first soft snow settles across the Northwoods and daylight shortens into long, quiet nights, the land shifts into its slowest rhythm. Birch trees stand still. Pines hold the weight of winter with a steady, grounded presence. Beneath the frozen soil, thousands of seeds lie in darkness—resting, gathering strength, not yet ready to break open.
Winter isn’t a season of performance.
It’s a season of becoming.
And as women, cyclical, intuitive, lunar and solar—we are invited to move in the same way nature does: slowly, inwardly, with deep trust in what grows unseen.
This blog is a gentle reminder that winter is not the “new year” at all. The true new year, in many earth-based traditions, begins when spring light returns. Winter is the underground season—the fertile dark where transformation quietly roots itself.
Winter & Our Bodies — Slowing Is Natural
Winter affects the human body in measurable, well-documented ways:
Shorter daylight can reduce serotonin production, increasing fatigue and the body’s natural need for rest.
Seasonal shifts influence circadian rhythm and cortisol, contributing to sleepiness, slower energy, and changes in motivation.
Nature itself slows: plants enter dormancy, and many animals reduce activity as part of their seasonal survival cycle.
Like the seed beneath the frozen ground, your biology is designed to slow down in winter. When you force yourself to stay in “summer pace,” the nervous system can feel overstimulated, dysregulated, or depleted. Winter invites you to match the rhythm of the land—steady, intentional, and deeply restorative.
Sources:
Stillman, J. “The New Science of How Winter Affects Your Brain and Body.” Inc., Dec 2023. https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/the-new-science-of-how-winter-affects-your-brain-and-body
Centers for Environmental Therapeutics. “Circadian Rhythms & Light Exposure,” 2023. https://cet.org
Earthwatch Institute. “Nature Connection in Winter,” 2023. https://earthwatch.org.uk/blog/nature-connection-in-winter
Women’s Cycles, Lunar Echoes & Solstice Alignment
For centuries across cultures, women’s physical and emotional rhythms have been understood as mirroring lunar phases—waxing, waning, turning inward, and rising outward again.
Modern research has explored this connection, and while results differ across populations, some studies show a measurable correlation between menstrual cycles and lunar phases for some women.
Women are both lunar and solar beings:
Lunar: intuitive, internal, reflective, connected to darkness and winter
Solar: expressive, active, outward, flourishing in seasons of light
The Winter Solstice, the darkest day of the year, invites you inward. It is a time for introspection, shadow work, slowing, and planting seeds in the dark—knowing they will not sprout until the light returns.
Winter is the rooting season, not the blooming season.
Sources:
“Correlation Between Menstrual Cycle and Lunar Phases Identified.” Technology Networks, May 2024. https://www.technologynetworks.com/proteomics/news/correlation-between-menstrual-cycle-and-lunar-phases-identified-385949
Historical and cultural lunar-cycle traditions referenced from women’s ritual and anthropological literature.
Somatic Grounding & Neurodivergent Winter Support
Winter adds layers of complexity for many women—especially neurodivergent women whose nervous systems may be more sensitive to:
changing routines
reduced daylight
sensory overload
holiday pressures
family dynamics
loss of predictable structure
Somatic practices are especially helpful in winter because they anchor the body in the present moment and counterbalance overstimulation.
Solstice Root-Breath (Somatic Grounding)
Inhale through the nose for 4 counts
Hold for 2 counts
Exhale through the mouth for 6 counts
Imagine roots extending from your feet or tailbone into the winter soil
Repeat 3–5 minutes
Then ask: “What am I growing in the dark?”
This supports autonomic nervous system regulation, lowers internal overwhelm, and increases the sense of groundedness—especially helpful for neurodivergent nervous systems during winter.
Sources:
This section is based on somatic therapy principles supported by the fields of somatic psychology, polyvagal theory (Stephen Porges, PhD), and breathwork science. No external claims requiring citation were made.
Dark soil and winter seed metaphor for slow growth
Planting the Seed — Winter Intentions & Gentle Growth
Winter is not the beginning of the year—spring is.
Across earth-based, pagan, Nordic, and agricultural traditions, the new year begins at the Spring Equinox, when:
light and dark meet in perfect balance
the ground begins to thaw
seeds sprout above the surface
new life visibly begins
Winter is the preparation season.
The season of germination.
The season of hidden becoming.
Journal Prompts
What am I quietly nurturing beneath the surface this winter?
What wants rest instead of action?
What intention will grow when spring returns?
Where am I rushing my own blooming?
How can I give myself permission to root?
If you want a tangible reminder, write:
“I am growing in the dark.”
Place it somewhere meaningful and let it guide your winter pace.
Sources:
This section references cultural and historical seasonal traditions, agricultural cycles, and widely recognized earth-based frameworks marking the Spring Equinox as the new year. No scientific or medical claims were made requiring external citation.
Soft Call to Connection
Therapy is not only for crisis.
It’s a place to practice:
seasonal alignment
somatic grounding
neurodivergent-informed care
shadow work
rest and pacing
nervous system regulation
Even when “things are okay,” therapy supports deeper clarity, gentler rhythms, and more intentional living—especially during winter.
If you’d like compassionate, body-centered therapy this season, you’re welcome to reach out through River Walk Counseling (support@riverwalkcounselingmn.com | 218-531-1424).
And to receive weekly grounding practices and winter reflections, join my Tuesday e-newsletter.
Sources:
This section uses no external claims that require citation.
Closing
Winter is not an ending.
It is the deep beginning.
The sacred descent into fertile darkness.
Let the Solstice guide you inward.
Let the winter pace soften you.
Let your body remember nature’s wisdom.
Let your roots deepen quietly.
And when the Spring Equinox arrives—the true new year—your seeds will unfurl with strength and clarity.
Grounding with the Last Full Moons of the Year
The final moons of the year remind us to pause, breathe, and reconnect with the natural rhythm of slowing down.
Yesterday, on November 5, the Beaver Moon reached its fullness, glowing with the golden light of late autumn. Traditionally, this moon marked a time of preparation and comfort, a reminder to gather what we need before winter’s rest. Even now, its energy invites us to reflect:
What do I need to feel nourished and supported as the seasons shift?
And soon, on December 4, the Cold Moon will rise, casting a calm, silvery glow across the quiet landscape of winter. It invites peace, reflection, and stillness, a soft exhale as the year comes to a close.
Where in my life am I being called to slow down, release control, or rest more deeply?
✨ Somatic Grounding Practice
Pause for a moment and connect with your body:
Feel your feet grounding into the earth or floor beneath you.
Inhale deeply through your nose, filling your chest and belly.
Exhale through your mouth, releasing tension from your shoulders and jaw.
Imagine the moonlight — golden or silver — gently wrapping around you, bringing warmth and calm.
Two moons.
Two seasons.
A transition from golden warmth to winter stillness.
Look up when you can, breathe deep, and remember: you are part of this rhythm too. 🌕🍂❄️
November: Slowing Down & Softening Into the Season
As the days grow shorter and the air turns crisp, our bodies and minds begin to crave what nature already knows — rest, reflection, and warmth.
This is a season for slowing down, not giving up. It’s a time to reconnect with yourself, your breath, and the quiet rhythms that often get drowned out by busy schedules and mental noise.
Whether through somatic therapy, yoga, or mindful self-awareness, this is your invitation to soften.
🌬️ Breathe: “The Gentle Wave”
This simple breath practice helps calm the body quickly and create space between emotion and reaction.
Sit comfortably and place one hand on your chest, one on your belly.
Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of four, feeling your belly rise like a gentle wave.
Pause at the top of your breath — imagine a moment of stillness before the wave curls.
Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of six, letting your shoulders drop and the body release.
Repeat for 1–2 minutes, noticing the shift inside you.
When emotions feel intense, this practice helps signal safety to your nervous system so your brain can think clearly again.
❄️ Somatic Skill: Calm the Body Fast
When emotions rise quickly, the body needs something immediate.
Try one or two of these tools to regulate your system in the moment:
Temperature: Splash cool water on your face or hold something cold to your wrists.
Movement: Step outside for fresh air, walk slowly, or stretch your arms wide to reset the body.
Breathing: Use slow exhales (longer out than in) to lower your heart rate.
Muscle Relaxation: Tense one muscle group for five seconds, then release. Notice the warmth that follows.
These grounding practices help the body release stored tension, making it easier to return to calm, clear, and connected.
🕯️ Mindset Reset: Train Your Inner Voice
So many of us carry an inner critic that’s quick to point out what’s wrong, but slow to recognize what’s right.
This month, practice catching your self-talk, especially when it feels harsh. Then, gently shift the tone toward compassion and strength.
Try replacing thoughts like:
“I can’t handle this.” → “I’m doing my best with what I have right now.”
“I always mess things up.” → “I’m learning, and that counts.”
“I’m so behind.” → “I can move at my own pace.”
The goal isn’t toxic positivity — it’s kindness with honesty.
🌿 Journal Prompt
Reflect on this question as you move through November:
“What would it feel like to meet myself with warmth instead of pressure?”
Let your writing flow without judgment. Notice how your body feels when you respond.
💛 Final Reflection
Transitioning into winter doesn’t mean shutting down, it means turning inward. Through gentle movement, mindful breath, and compassionate awareness, you can create a steady calm that carries you through the season with grace.
If this message resonated, I’d love to support you on your journey.
Learn more about somatic therapy and body-centered healing at Northwoods Velvaere Studio
Best Regards,
Bobbi Jo Hamilton, MSW, LICSW, Yoga Instructor