Healing Isn't About Never Getting Activated Again—It's About Learning to Trust Yourself When You Do

There is a common misconception that healing means you eventually reach a place where nothing from your past affects you anymore.

That one day you'll wake up and never feel fear, disappointment, sadness, or anxiety again.

I don't believe that's what healing is.

Healing isn't the absence of activation.

Healing is changing your relationship with it.

When I think about my past, it no longer haunts me the way it once did. I have been walking my own path of healing for quite some time now. Along the way, I have learned to embrace my gifts a little more each day. I have learned to trust myself more, even on the days when my nervous system becomes activated.

Trust is an interesting thing.

From a young age, many of us are taught to trust other people. Trust your teachers. Trust your parents. Trust authority. Trust the experts.

But very few of us are ever taught that it is okay to trust ourselves.

As a somatic mental health therapist, I still experience activation from my own past. Healing has never meant becoming immune to being human. What has changed is how I respond when those moments arise.

Instead of asking, "What's wrong with me?"

I have learned to ask,

"What is my nervous system trying to protect me from?"

That one question changes everything.

When Your Nervous System Recognizes an Old Pattern

Our nervous system is always scanning for safety.

Sometimes it isn't responding to what is happening right now.

It is responding to what something reminds us of.

A conversation.

A disappointment.

A feeling of being left out.

Not knowing what comes next.

The body doesn't always separate the present from the past. If today's experience resembles yesterday's wound, the nervous system may activate long before the thinking part of the brain has had time to catch up.

That activation can look different for everyone.

Sometimes it looks like trying to fix everything immediately.

Sometimes it becomes people-pleasing so no one is upset.

Sometimes it shows up as overthinking every conversation.

Sometimes we become controlling because uncertainty feels unbearable.

Sometimes we shut down completely because that once kept us safe.

These are not character flaws.

They are protective strategies your nervous system learned over time.

My Own Experience

Today I found myself becoming activated.

For the past several months I have been deeply focused on building my business, dreaming about the future, creating goals, and trying to make everything fit together perfectly.

Life has a funny—or maybe not so funny—way of reminding us that healing happens in the present moment, not in the future we are trying to control.

When things didn't unfold the way I expected, I felt disappointment.

Fear.

Frustration.

And then...

Hope.

Years ago, I probably would have gone straight into fixing mode.

How do I make this better?

What do I need to do?

What did I do wrong?

Instead, I paused.

I noticed where the activation was living inside my body.

I asked myself,

"Where is this activation coming from?"

As someone who spent much of her life feeling like she never quite fit into a group, I quickly realized this wasn't just about today.

The little girl within me had been awakened.

She remembered what it felt like to feel different.

To wonder if she belonged.

To question whether she was enough.

The beautiful part wasn't that she showed up.

The beautiful part was that I didn't become her.

I acknowledged her.

I allowed her feelings to exist without trying to make them disappear.

I noticed the sensations moving through my body.

I breathed.

I let the energy move instead of fighting it.

Then I surrendered the worry, the fear, and the anxiety to something larger than myself.

Nature Has Become One of My Greatest Teachers

Healing has taught me to lean into Mother Earth.

The steadiness of the trees.

The constant movement of water.

The rhythm of the wind.

The warmth of fire.

The changing of the seasons.

Nature never asks us to be one thing forever.

Summer eventually becomes autumn.

Autumn becomes winter.

Winter quietly gives way to spring.

Our nervous systems move through seasons too.

Some days feel grounded.

Some days feel uncertain.

Both belong.

Nature reminds us that movement is part of being alive.

A Gentle Note Before We Begin

One thing I always remind my clients is that there is no "perfect" way to regulate your nervous system.

Practices like slow nasal breathing and humming have been studied for their potential to support relaxation and help engage the body's calming systems. For many people, they can create a sense of grounding and ease. At the same time, everyone's nervous system is unique. If you have experienced significant trauma, slowing down or focusing on your breath may initially feel uncomfortable or even activating.

If that happens, know that nothing is wrong with you.

You might choose to keep your eyes open, shorten the practice, place your feet firmly on the ground, or simply notice the sounds around you instead. Healing isn't about forcing yourself to calm down. It's about gently discovering what helps your body feel safe enough in this moment.

A Somatic Breath Practice

The next time you notice yourself becoming activated, see if you can pause before trying to fix the feeling.

Find a comfortable place to sit or stand.

Allow your feet to connect with the ground.

Gently close your eyes if that feels safe.

Take a slow breath in through your nose.

Pause for just a moment.

Then exhale slowly through your mouth while making a soft humming sound.

Feel the vibration in your chest, throat, or face.

Repeat this five or six times, allowing each exhale to be a little longer than your inhale.

As you breathe, simply ask yourself:

"What am I noticing in my body right now?"

Not to judge.

Not to solve.

Just to notice.

Sometimes that simple act of slowing down gives your nervous system the space it needs to recognize that this moment is different from the past.

A Gentle Reflection

The next time you find yourself activated, instead of asking,

"Why am I like this?"

You might ask,

• What does my body believe is happening right now?

• Does this feeling belong to today, or does it remind me of something older?

• What part of me needs compassion in this moment?

• What would it look like to trust myself instead of rushing to fix everything?

There may not be immediate answers.

That's okay.

Healing isn't about having all the answers.

Sometimes healing is simply staying present long enough to hear what your body has been trying to say.

Healing Is a Relationship

Healing doesn't erase the past.

It doesn't promise you'll never feel fear again.

It doesn't mean old patterns never return.

Healing is learning to recognize those patterns with curiosity instead of shame.

It is learning that the activated part of you is not all of you.

It is learning that you can sit beside the younger version of yourself instead of becoming her.

Most of all, healing is learning to trust yourself.

Not because you will never become activated again.

But because you know that when you do, you have the capacity to breathe, to listen, to stay present, and to gently find your way back.

Maybe that is what healing has always been.

Not becoming someone new.

But learning, one breath at a time, that you have been worthy of your own trust all along.

With care,

Bobbi Jo Hamilton, MSW, LICSW, RYT